New Year's Resolution

So it's been entirely too long since I wrote on here. Yes, I was back in the hospital again for a 3-day stint. This time, Three nurses blew out 4 veins. I'm still bruised and swollen and feel worse then when I went in the hospital to begin with.

I don't know what the new year is to bring, but I do know it's more pain and torture. My goal for this year is to try and write here at least once a week. Would like to do more, but I don't turn on the laptop that often anymore. I received a Kindle Fire for Chistmas. I love it. I have dozens of books and games downsloaded already. Has anyone received one?

We lost our beloved Golden Retriever Aphrodite to lung cancer a few months ago and I can't get over the loss. She was the sweetest little gilr. Never asked a thing but a plavce on our lap and a cookie or two. Then a couple weeks later, our handster Yuri went to the Rainbow Bridge to wait for us. Everytime I looat at my photos and see my precious Adonis, I just want to be with him again. I don't have any friend, he has my one and only. I miss him so.

I got hubby a DVD set of all of the Star Trek movies. He's a Trekkie forever. We're on the movie where fist contact with the vulcans are made. Remember it? My favorite is the Whales' movies. The best one I've see. We just finished the one where they went into the Nexus. I cried the entire time. I would do just about anything to go there. Even thought it's not real, it would be real enough for me. Only someone who has lost so much and has suffered so much could ever undertand.

I hope everyone had a wonderful 2012 and all your hopes and dreams can cpme true!


G

Deep, dark pain

I was hoping that I had turned the corner. I was able to get out backpacking on Saturday and felt decent. The week before, I had the hideous pain and after a midnight run chasing State police to a man barracaded in his home with a gun (after a domestic incident), I got home and was in bad shape. Wasn't even able to write the follow up on it. I was out in pitch black, on dirt roads trying to get around a police barracade. No go. I ended up just leaving after an hour of trying.

Saturday was good. I probably hiked about 4 or 5 miles. Woke up Sunday and didn't want to move. The pain is even worse today. Don't know what to do to make it stop. All I want to do is crawl into a deep hole and pull it shut behind me. Besides the pain, there is the non-stop nausea. Last time it was like this, I lost 10 pounds in a week and ended up in the hospital with an IV stuck in the back of my hand. Can't do that again.

My update

The current year us almost finished. My kids gave to go in for one HOUR tomorrow. Now, does that make any sense? Think of all the wasted time, energy, gas, etc... I'm sure there's a sane reason for it, but I can't think of any right now.

My daughter turns 18 on Sunday. Where did all those years go? Seems like only yesterday she was a baby. She brought home paperwork showing the requirements for all seniors.That scares me. I'm so not ready. Soon we'll have to start looking at colleges. She's interested in fashion design. She gas a lit of talent. I'll post a photo of the Sundress she made herself. She also created two very unique purses for me. I love them and always get tons of complements on them. Will also post a photo of them.

My son will be 16 in November and he will be a sophomore. My babies are growing up so fast and are ready to stretch their wings. We encourage both of them to try new things, but let them know we are always behind them. I think that's what most teens want. They may whine and moan about rules, but deep down they want the safety net of being able to use curfew or whatever to keep them out of some situations with their friends they aren't ready for. What are your thoughts on it? Am I right or just fooling myself?

Doc has me on two more meds to try and get the pain under control. Not helping so far, but I'll keep trying.



Hope all my American friends had a wonderful Memorial weekend. We did the family BBQ at my aunt's farm. Tons of food and being around my family is always a good time. The newest generation in our family is now a year old and is the sweetest little girl. She's always smiling and jabbers up a storm.

I'm still alive

I just realized how badly I've crawled into the dark hole that has become my life thanks to these migraines. I love blogging and haven't even looked on here in months. I have a new doc now who believes that pain does exist and he is helping me to find my life again.

I'll slowly get back here and will start posting again. Thank you for all the kind comments you've sent over the past months. It's nice to know I've been missed. :)



My daughter went to her first prom last weekend and I had a photo of us taken before she left. She is my mini-me! :)

Hi All!!

Had a couple rough days, so I haven't posted enough lately. The doc changed my meds AGAIN and I'm having trouble with it. It's for the dizziness, but all it does is put me to sleep. Not good when I want to drive. My 17-year old daughter has to play taxi for me. She doesn't mind, but it makes me feel useless. What kind of mother can't drive her kids around and depends on them to do it? :( Another med, he changed to every other day because the doseage was way too high for a tiny person. Of course, I say I'm not short, I'm fun-sized.


Hope everyone is doing well!

My last post for the day, PROMISE!

OK, I haven't posted this much in a week, but wanted to let those who have emailed that I'm ok. I was back in the ER earlier this week, but I'm home now.

Tomorrow is my absolute favorite holiday of the year - Yes HALLOWEEN or SAMHAIN to others. There is NO WAY I'm spending another one in the hospital. The last two years were spent there and not this year!

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers, I do appreciate it!

Skywatch Friday

A local school received a grant to work on wind power. It's a great way to earn energy credits and lower their electricity bills, but I chose this photo because of the pretty sky in the background.

I'm still having the awful migraines, so these new meds aren't doing the trick either. Looks like I'll be going to Michigan for their in patient treatment. It's a week-long program. Just waiting for the insurance to decide it's necessary since you know, a pencil-pusher knows sooo much more than a REAL doctor about medicine. :(

For more info on this fun meme, stop over at Skywatch Friday and learn all the details.

Cleveland Clinic

Just getting ready to leave for the Cleveland Clinic. My appointment is tomorrow morning. Not sure what all the neurologist will do. Hopefully, he'll change the meds to something I can tolerate.

Catch everyone when we get back!

This week

OK, so I'm a wee bit behind in my blogging duties. I do try, but days go by and I can't even turn on the computer. I was back in the hospital on Monday. Awful time. The nurse couldn't find a vein and stabbed right through it in my wrist. I'm still all swelled and bruised. Finally, she moved up to my inside of the elbow and got one going. Took 4 different IV meds before I was able to sit up and leave. While we were there, the neurologist from Cleveland called our cellphone and discussed the case (me) with the ER doc. Told him what to give me. Demerol is my new friend. :) They aren't use to getting calls from doctors like that, so now they will never treat me like a junkie looking for a fix again. Any migraine patient who has ever had to go to the ER will know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

I'll be back at the Cleveland Clinic on Monday for more tests and probably get all the meds changed. The last ones gave me horrid side effects. It felt like needles were being jabbed into my eyes the entire three weeks I was on them. Then Sunday night, electric shocks were going down my arms and my fingertips went numb. The evil Darth Mittens was licking my eyelids and Aphrodite was going crazy trying to rip the door down to get into me. Once that sensation went away, they both were ok and went back to sleep. Animals know things. They knew something was really wrong. I couldn't sit up or move. It was not a fun night.

I'm feeling pretty decent now, so I did a couple articles for the paper. There is a chainsaw carving rendezvous here in town all week. I stopped by and took photos and talked to a few people. The carvers are really nice people and all are willing to talk, even if their English is broken and my German, Spanish, French and Swedish are beyond broken. :)

Tonight, I went to a BMX bike show with the Rise Above BXM team. They are all nice kids. I guess 24 is still a kid when you're my age. :) I would NEVER do the crazy stuff they do. I'm lucky to be able to ride a bike on a flat road.

Not sure what will happen the rest of the weekend. We leave for Cleveland on Sunday, so packing and all that good stuff will take up most of Saturday. If you're in that area and want to say hello, email me and we'll see if we can arrange it. I have to eat at Outback Steakhouse in Independence and then Hard Rock Cafe. We plan to take Arielle's car and she demands a case of White Castle burgers for the honor of that. KIDS!!!

Back from Ohio

I'm back from a disappointing trip to the Cleveland Clinic. I was scheduled to be there for four or five days of their intensive IV therapy. Well, I walked in the morning of the third day and was informed they would be giving me fluids and releasing me because the doctor felt it wasn't helping. I cried. All the pain of getting the two treatments were for nothing. :(

It's true, they did nothing for me, but they're supposed to be the best. How can they just give up? They wanted me to talk to their "pain therapist." Why is it that people with headaches are considered crazy? I just don't get it.

I went along and talked to her. If you've seen the movie Fight Club, then you could have been there, too. The scene I'm talking about it when Ed Norton's character was in the one support group and they were told to go to their happy place. SIGH! My happy place didn't have the talking penguin, just a young therapist who kept checking out her watch to see when she could get rid of me.

They wanted me to stop all my pain meds because they're so evil. Well, I get back from that nonsense and what does the nurse do? Shoot me up with Demerol. My hubby was beyond furious.

I'm home now. Not sure what I'll do next. They gave me a bunch of pills. I'll give them a try, but all the hope I have is gone.

What a nightmare this whole thing is. I'm sorry we even went. My head is exploding right now, so I'm going back to bed for a bit.

I do want to thank everyone who has been so kind and send their prayers and well wishes. It does mean so much to read them.

Cleveland Clinic

We leave first thing in the morning for Cleveland. We'll put the kids on the bus and head out. The pain is pretty bad today, just moving around enough to write up the article from last night. I covered the Republican annual fall meeting. It was a good bye for a retiring Congressman (John Peterson). I've known him for years and he's always been very good to me, so it's hard to see him leave.

Our family doctor gave me some stronger pain meds when I was there yesterday. Just took it, so that will ease it up enough to write the article. My arm is still all bruised from the IV last week. It's no fun having this.

I hope Cleveland holds the answers for me. My blog is getting pretty bad. I couldn't get out of bed all weekend, so I missed all the fun photo memes. SIGH! This has to work, life is too short as it is to always be in pain.

I'll try and update while we're there. Hope everyone is going to have a wonderful Halloween!! We should be driving back that day.

Pain

I haven't been able do a thing for days. The pain never stops, it never eases up, it's there, like a living, breathing monster inside my head. Along with the pain is the nausea that keeps me from eating. Then to round out the party, the insomnia keeps me from even a little slice of relief.

I miss out of life and really have no life, unless lying in bed crying counts. Then I have a wonderful one

I don't know if I'll survive 10 more days until I get to the Cleveland Clinic.

Just a quick update

I'll be going to the near-by pain clinic next week for the initial consultation, then they'll set me up for weekly injections. Not sure what. Guess we'll find out everything then. I HATE NEEDLES, so I'm not thrilled about it at all, but at this point, I'll do anything to stop the pain.

Then I go to Cleveland Clinic the following week. We're going a day early since it's an early appointment on Thursday. It's the initial consult. I don't know what all will happen or what will be done.

So, what I am saying is I have the appointments set up, but have no idea what will happen. I don't like to not know things, but I guess this is time to just go with the flow and see what happens.

Denise is home now. They still have no idea what is wrong, but no insurance, so ...

Cleveland Clinic

I finally got the appointment! I see the neurologist there on October 30. I have no idea yet what they're going to do, but at least it's a step in the right direction!!! Maybe now somebody will be able to help stop or even ease the pain. The Cleveland Clinic is supposed to be one of the best places in the world, so if they can't help me, nobody can.

We'll drive in the day before since the appointment is at 9:30 a.m. and get to see my best friend Kim while we're there. She's so awesome, she plans to take off on Thursday and spend the entire day at the hospital with us. Only a true friend would do something like that. Can't thank you enough, Kim!

MRIs

Today's the day of the MRIs. Not sure what they'll find. The doc said the last x-rays showed something wrong with my spine. Always what a person wants to hear. He's still trying to get insurance (blood sucking leeches) to allow me to go to the Cleveland Clinic. Heaven forbid they spend a little money to cure me. Their CEO has a lifestyle to support. So greedy of me to want to be pain free!

Anyhow, they're doing a regular and one with contrast. I'm allergic to the contrast material, so I might end up admitted again. I'm so tired of hospitals and needles and pain. What I wouldn't give for just one day, hell, one hour free of pain.

Hope everyone has a good day!

Been out of touch

Sorry it's been a few days since my last post. We went on a mini-vacation to visit with a friend over the long weekend, then yesterday, I woke up with such a migraine I wanted to just curl up in a ball and not move ever again.

Hubby took me to the doc, who took one look at me and called in a VERY strong pain killer. (Read what they give terminal cancer patients) I took one and spent the rest of the day sleeping. The pain is so much less today. Those pills are a true miracle.

I've dealt with these horrors for over 16 years now. Usually, I'd have ended up in the hospital when it got this bad. The pills made it possible for me to stay home. At least the kids were able to walk in the room quietly and see I was still here. It scares them when I'm this ill. They're so young to have to deal with all this. They've had to go to the store because I literally couldn't stand up it hurt so bad.

I must have been VERY naughty in a previous life to deserve all of this. Sure hope I had fun!

SIGH

I do want to thank everyone for their kinds words on the anniversary of my godson's death. I appreciate all the thoughts.

My son got hurt in school on Tuesday. His "friend" threw him a hat and the little darling it belonged to decided to slam my boy to the ground, then pounded him in the ear twice just for fun. Well, doing that, he ruptured my son's eardrum. We have to wait three weeks to find out if he'll need yet another surgery to repair the damage. He's also lost some of the hearing in that ear thanks to the little mutant. What is wrong with kids? Of course, nobody at the school saw it happen. Why would they? The top dog there has already come out and said I'm just a troublemaker. Now, if my son had ruptured the brat's eardrum, he'd be in jail now and I'd be hauled in, too.

While we were at the ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) specialist, he was checking out T's nose since it was bleeding from being slammed to the ground and found three broken blood vessels. They had to be cauterized. What a nightmare! T tried to be brave, but it hurt like crazy. I couldn't watch after the first one. It was too horrific.

Now the battle will begin today to get the parents to take responsibility for what happened. I don't want to deal with lawyers.

All the stress of that day set off a horrid migraine and I spent almost the entire day in bed yesterday in the dark. It was 9:30 p.m. before I was able to really move around, so I missed the first half of the new season premiere of Ghost Hunters. Another thing to curse the brat for!