New Year's Resolution

So it's been entirely too long since I wrote on here. Yes, I was back in the hospital again for a 3-day stint. This time, Three nurses blew out 4 veins. I'm still bruised and swollen and feel worse then when I went in the hospital to begin with.

I don't know what the new year is to bring, but I do know it's more pain and torture. My goal for this year is to try and write here at least once a week. Would like to do more, but I don't turn on the laptop that often anymore. I received a Kindle Fire for Chistmas. I love it. I have dozens of books and games downsloaded already. Has anyone received one?

We lost our beloved Golden Retriever Aphrodite to lung cancer a few months ago and I can't get over the loss. She was the sweetest little gilr. Never asked a thing but a plavce on our lap and a cookie or two. Then a couple weeks later, our handster Yuri went to the Rainbow Bridge to wait for us. Everytime I looat at my photos and see my precious Adonis, I just want to be with him again. I don't have any friend, he has my one and only. I miss him so.

I got hubby a DVD set of all of the Star Trek movies. He's a Trekkie forever. We're on the movie where fist contact with the vulcans are made. Remember it? My favorite is the Whales' movies. The best one I've see. We just finished the one where they went into the Nexus. I cried the entire time. I would do just about anything to go there. Even thought it's not real, it would be real enough for me. Only someone who has lost so much and has suffered so much could ever undertand.

I hope everyone had a wonderful 2012 and all your hopes and dreams can cpme true!


G

Deep, dark pain

I was hoping that I had turned the corner. I was able to get out backpacking on Saturday and felt decent. The week before, I had the hideous pain and after a midnight run chasing State police to a man barracaded in his home with a gun (after a domestic incident), I got home and was in bad shape. Wasn't even able to write the follow up on it. I was out in pitch black, on dirt roads trying to get around a police barracade. No go. I ended up just leaving after an hour of trying.

Saturday was good. I probably hiked about 4 or 5 miles. Woke up Sunday and didn't want to move. The pain is even worse today. Don't know what to do to make it stop. All I want to do is crawl into a deep hole and pull it shut behind me. Besides the pain, there is the non-stop nausea. Last time it was like this, I lost 10 pounds in a week and ended up in the hospital with an IV stuck in the back of my hand. Can't do that again.

I'm still alive

I just realized how badly I've crawled into the dark hole that has become my life thanks to these migraines. I love blogging and haven't even looked on here in months. I have a new doc now who believes that pain does exist and he is helping me to find my life again.

I'll slowly get back here and will start posting again. Thank you for all the kind comments you've sent over the past months. It's nice to know I've been missed. :)



My daughter went to her first prom last weekend and I had a photo of us taken before she left. She is my mini-me! :)

This week

OK, so I'm a wee bit behind in my blogging duties. I do try, but days go by and I can't even turn on the computer. I was back in the hospital on Monday. Awful time. The nurse couldn't find a vein and stabbed right through it in my wrist. I'm still all swelled and bruised. Finally, she moved up to my inside of the elbow and got one going. Took 4 different IV meds before I was able to sit up and leave. While we were there, the neurologist from Cleveland called our cellphone and discussed the case (me) with the ER doc. Told him what to give me. Demerol is my new friend. :) They aren't use to getting calls from doctors like that, so now they will never treat me like a junkie looking for a fix again. Any migraine patient who has ever had to go to the ER will know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

I'll be back at the Cleveland Clinic on Monday for more tests and probably get all the meds changed. The last ones gave me horrid side effects. It felt like needles were being jabbed into my eyes the entire three weeks I was on them. Then Sunday night, electric shocks were going down my arms and my fingertips went numb. The evil Darth Mittens was licking my eyelids and Aphrodite was going crazy trying to rip the door down to get into me. Once that sensation went away, they both were ok and went back to sleep. Animals know things. They knew something was really wrong. I couldn't sit up or move. It was not a fun night.

I'm feeling pretty decent now, so I did a couple articles for the paper. There is a chainsaw carving rendezvous here in town all week. I stopped by and took photos and talked to a few people. The carvers are really nice people and all are willing to talk, even if their English is broken and my German, Spanish, French and Swedish are beyond broken. :)

Tonight, I went to a BMX bike show with the Rise Above BXM team. They are all nice kids. I guess 24 is still a kid when you're my age. :) I would NEVER do the crazy stuff they do. I'm lucky to be able to ride a bike on a flat road.

Not sure what will happen the rest of the weekend. We leave for Cleveland on Sunday, so packing and all that good stuff will take up most of Saturday. If you're in that area and want to say hello, email me and we'll see if we can arrange it. I have to eat at Outback Steakhouse in Independence and then Hard Rock Cafe. We plan to take Arielle's car and she demands a case of White Castle burgers for the honor of that. KIDS!!!

Back from Ohio

I'm back from a disappointing trip to the Cleveland Clinic. I was scheduled to be there for four or five days of their intensive IV therapy. Well, I walked in the morning of the third day and was informed they would be giving me fluids and releasing me because the doctor felt it wasn't helping. I cried. All the pain of getting the two treatments were for nothing. :(

It's true, they did nothing for me, but they're supposed to be the best. How can they just give up? They wanted me to talk to their "pain therapist." Why is it that people with headaches are considered crazy? I just don't get it.

I went along and talked to her. If you've seen the movie Fight Club, then you could have been there, too. The scene I'm talking about it when Ed Norton's character was in the one support group and they were told to go to their happy place. SIGH! My happy place didn't have the talking penguin, just a young therapist who kept checking out her watch to see when she could get rid of me.

They wanted me to stop all my pain meds because they're so evil. Well, I get back from that nonsense and what does the nurse do? Shoot me up with Demerol. My hubby was beyond furious.

I'm home now. Not sure what I'll do next. They gave me a bunch of pills. I'll give them a try, but all the hope I have is gone.

What a nightmare this whole thing is. I'm sorry we even went. My head is exploding right now, so I'm going back to bed for a bit.

I do want to thank everyone who has been so kind and send their prayers and well wishes. It does mean so much to read them.

Cleveland Clinic

I'll be leaving for a week of intensive IV therapy in just a couple hours. The neurologist thinks that replacing all my current meds with brand new stuff will make all the difference. He's also warned me that it will be very painful for at least the first couple treatments. Just what I needed to hear. Even more pain. :( The treatments start at 8 a.m. tomorrow morning and go five hours a day. The thought of getting jabbed every day is making me very nervous. I'm not good with needles at all. My veins are very small and will roll and hide from IVs. I've had more than a few veins collapse because of that.

The doctor said he's treated other chronic migraine patients like me and this does help. I promised to try anything that might give a little relief, so ...

Of course, it's snowing for the drive. Can't have nice weather. It's not coming down as hard as it did our last trip there.

We have a room right across the street from the clinic. It's an efficiency apartment, so there's a stove, microwave and refrigerator for us to use. Much better than eating out every night. How many fast food burgers can anyone eat before they puke? They also have a van that will take us to and from the treatments as well as local restaurants (Hard Rock Cafe, here we come!). That will be so much more convenient that driving and trying to find parking. We can just leave the car at the hotel the entire time we're there.

Not sure about internet access. This laptop is about dead. I've asked Santa for a new one, so we'll see how that goes. It doesn't even have to be fancy. As long as I can get on line and do my articles and photos, I'll be happy.

Hope everyone has a great week!

Cleveland Clinic

We leave first thing in the morning for Cleveland. We'll put the kids on the bus and head out. The pain is pretty bad today, just moving around enough to write up the article from last night. I covered the Republican annual fall meeting. It was a good bye for a retiring Congressman (John Peterson). I've known him for years and he's always been very good to me, so it's hard to see him leave.

Our family doctor gave me some stronger pain meds when I was there yesterday. Just took it, so that will ease it up enough to write the article. My arm is still all bruised from the IV last week. It's no fun having this.

I hope Cleveland holds the answers for me. My blog is getting pretty bad. I couldn't get out of bed all weekend, so I missed all the fun photo memes. SIGH! This has to work, life is too short as it is to always be in pain.

I'll try and update while we're there. Hope everyone is going to have a wonderful Halloween!! We should be driving back that day.

Pain

I haven't been able do a thing for days. The pain never stops, it never eases up, it's there, like a living, breathing monster inside my head. Along with the pain is the nausea that keeps me from eating. Then to round out the party, the insomnia keeps me from even a little slice of relief.

I miss out of life and really have no life, unless lying in bed crying counts. Then I have a wonderful one

I don't know if I'll survive 10 more days until I get to the Cleveland Clinic.

Cleveland Clinic

I finally got the appointment! I see the neurologist there on October 30. I have no idea yet what they're going to do, but at least it's a step in the right direction!!! Maybe now somebody will be able to help stop or even ease the pain. The Cleveland Clinic is supposed to be one of the best places in the world, so if they can't help me, nobody can.

We'll drive in the day before since the appointment is at 9:30 a.m. and get to see my best friend Kim while we're there. She's so awesome, she plans to take off on Thursday and spend the entire day at the hospital with us. Only a true friend would do something like that. Can't thank you enough, Kim!

MRIs

Today's the day of the MRIs. Not sure what they'll find. The doc said the last x-rays showed something wrong with my spine. Always what a person wants to hear. He's still trying to get insurance (blood sucking leeches) to allow me to go to the Cleveland Clinic. Heaven forbid they spend a little money to cure me. Their CEO has a lifestyle to support. So greedy of me to want to be pain free!

Anyhow, they're doing a regular and one with contrast. I'm allergic to the contrast material, so I might end up admitted again. I'm so tired of hospitals and needles and pain. What I wouldn't give for just one day, hell, one hour free of pain.

Hope everyone has a good day!

Surgery Update

I survived, but feel like I went a couple rounds with Mike Tyson.

I can't drive this weekend and can only type with one hand. Vicodin is my current best friend.

Physical therapy starts Monday. Not looking forward to that, but need my arm back, so ...

Thanks for all the good wishes!